


Like Real People Do

by sixth_dr_whomst



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Characters Playing Animal Crossing Game(s), Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Other, check author's note for trigger warnings, i didnt realize that was a tag holy shit, i think this is the first thing ive posted in several months? possibly a year?, im validated, its definitely the first thing ive written since march, the others feature but not enough to warrant a tag imo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24365821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixth_dr_whomst/pseuds/sixth_dr_whomst
Summary: “Animal Crossing. A man of great taste."“Yeah, well. When Rita tells you to play a game, you don’t have much choice in the matter.”(I've called this the Junoverse Animal Crossing AU and my document is titled "juno crossing..." so that probably sums up this whole fic. Junoverse except they also play Animal Crossing and it's plot-relevant.)
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko & Peter Nureyev & Rita & Jet Sikuliaq & Juno Steel & Vespa, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 13
Kudos: 59





	Like Real People Do

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "Like Real People Do", the Hozier song, because i couldn't resist making an Animal Crossing Junoverse fic and give it some boring title like "Junoverse But They Play Animal Crossing And It's Plot-Relevant". it's written entirely in an hour and i did not proofread it at all, so pardon any typos or weirdly-phrased sentences.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: references to the events of Angel of Brahma and Final Resting Place, references to torture, implied depiction of depression and lethargy.

Juno Steel is pouring a drink for a stranger in his apartment.

This is not the first time he has done this, nor is it likely to be the last.

The stranger - tall, lean, fox’s teeth and sparking eyes - is wandering through his living room, presumably taking everything in and questioning why he agreed to go home with such a disaster of a lady. He’s probably looking at the pile of laundry he keeps meaning to wash, the half-empty glasses everywhere, the pile of dishes Juno’s currently trying to ignore-

“I didn’t peg you as a gamer, Detective Steel.”

There’s a teasing tone to his voice, and Juno turns to see what he’s even talking about. Agent Rex Glass stands by his coffee table, examining the charging dock for his one and only console. They’re expensive these days, but somehow, he’s one of a select few to own a custom dock, decorated with some of the most famous characters of the only game he owns.

“I’m not,” Juno answers after a few moments. “My secretary bought it for me.”

“Animal Crossing. A man of great taste,” and suddenly Glass is standing right behind him, and he can  _ hear _ his smile.

Juno buries his feelings with a light scoff, turns to hand Glass a glass (heh.) “Yeah, well. When Rita tells you to play a game, you don’t have much choice in the matter.” The memory of several ladies’ nights spent trying to make Juno’s island look less like a mass of weeds and the occasional flower or tree floats to the surface of his mind, and he’s either going to laugh or shudder, neither of which he really wants to do. “Do you play?”

Rex hums. “Not much, I’m afraid. But I’m sure I’d be willing to become more active, with proper motivation.”

He winks, because of course he does. And then he sets down his drink on the counter, takes another step closer to Juno, and then he kisses him. It’s a kiss that lasts too long and not long enough, and is followed by the click of handcuffs and wail of police sirens. It… doesn’t do anything to help the guilt steadily building in the detective’s gut. He turns to look back over his apartment, grab those glasses of whiskey and spend the night wallowing like he’d planned to. Unfortunately, the universe apparently isn’t done with the mysteries.

His console isn’t plugged in. It most definitely was earlier.

In the wild mess of the whole day, there’s a part of Juno that wants to believe that Rex Glass could do anything, including somehow open Animal Crossing and leave… something,  _ anything _ , behind of him. That part is quickly yelled at, but Juno’s operating on autopilot while he turns on the console and enters his island. On first glance, nothing is different; no messages spelled out in flowers, no gifts of fruit or villagers or fossils, everything exactly as it was. He checks the message board in the plaza, as one final act of desperation. And there it is; a goodbye that hopes to not be final, signed from one Peter Nureyev.

He’s torn between laughing and scowling.

* * *

Weeks pass. While Juno’s usually very particular about deleting messages off the message board when they stop being relevant, Nureyev’s stays. He checks in every few days, just wondering if he’s left anything else behind. After one particularly rough job involving another PI, an old friend and his deceased husband, and one very close encounter with the man himself, a gift comes through the mail from “Peter”: a bunch of gold, with a note that’s just a heart. More weeks pass. Nothing else.

He’s just resolved that he’s going to delete the message and stop letting pretty faces distract him when a particularly pretty face reveals himself on the couch, and he’s thrown back into the life of Peter Nureyev, or Duke Rose, as he is now.

And then, of course, that all goes sideways.

* * *

Juno sits up, leans himself against the wall. None of him really  _ wants _ to do this; if he had a choice, he wouldn’t even be in this situation. But here he is. Still straining his newfound abilities, granted to him by the shitty little capsule growing behind his eye. Nureyev sits in front of him, hand gently squeezing his. This is going to be difficult. He hasn’t had to summon anything specific yet, just duplicating the goddamn cards that Miasma keeps having Nureyev pull. See them in his mind, make another one appear in front of him. Easy, according to her. But now he has to find something specific, draw it closer to him.

“Incredible,” Nureyev whispers, and Juno dares to open his eyes slightly to see the well-worn console sitting inbetween the two of them. The taller man looks up and stares at Juno with… something bright, and warm, in his eyes. Something Juno’s too afraid to name. So he doesn’t.

He picks up the console, quietly opens up Nureyev’s island. The man himself sits a ways away, stares pointedly at the walls around them. He doesn’t want to relive too much of it. That’s fine, Juno can respect that. He takes a deep breath and starts exploring Nureyev’s island; a highly terraformed place apparently called Brahma.

* * *

Eventually, they escape. Nureyev plans a daring escape and nearly manages to pull it off. Juno throws himself between the world and the Martian bomb, only loses an eye for his troubles. Nureyev takes him back to Hyperion, and they share a kiss and a night and a bed. And according to all of Rita’s favorite streams, this should be where it ends. The two of them,  _ happy _ , ready to run away and live a life among the stars. 

But Hyperion City doesn’t let people go. Hyperion City lives inside of its children, haunts them, curses them, infects them, and he can’t do that to Nureyev. He can’t let himself get to Nureyev. It’s a mercy, he tells himself as he stands up and walks out of the hotel room door.

He can’t bring himself to check his island after that.

* * *

Six months pass. Ramses o’Flaherty hires him. Tells him his island looks like shit, and Juno tells him that doing good matters more than weeding a digital island.

* * *

Another month passes. Juno walks into the desert and doesn’t look back.

* * *

The Big Guy tells him there is a message waiting for him on his island. When he finally gathers up his energy three weeks later to check on it again, there is mail waiting in his mailbox and two new messages on his message board. One is a review, presumably written by Buddy, with another job offer; the other is a single statement of wisdom from the Big Guy - “we may look back only to ensure we have not come this way before.” He’s managed to add a small doodle of himself on his hoverbike, and his name isn’t listed on the note. Buddy’s review is negative, of course, but what else does he expect. He thinks about standing up, abandoning the game entirely, telling Rita to go find him a case, but the idea of Rita spending another fifteen minutes yelling at him for pushing himself sounds even less appealing.

With a heavy sigh, he gets to work.

* * *

And some time after that, he’s sitting in Rita’s room on the Carte Blanche, Nureyev leaning up against him with another console in hand. “I’m real glad we’re all doing this together!” Rita says, taking up her seat on the other side of Juno, also leaning into him. “And only a little surprised we all play the same game!”

“It’s a sign of incredible intelligence and class,” Juno answers, and Nureyev laughs slightly.

Rita assumes he’s dead serious, and shakes her head. “Nah, boss, I think it’s cause everyone likes cute little animals with cheeks you just wanna  _ squish _ and  _ kiss _ and  _ hug _ them all and- it’s great for romance, too,”

\- she doesn’t notice the way Juno chokes on his coffee and Nureyev starts laughing -

“-there was this stream from a few years back, do you remember it?  _ Romance Crossing _ or something, it had a real cute name-”

Rita continues, her stream of thought reassuring and familiar while the three of them tour each other’s islands. It’s strangely calming, to have the lot of them exploring and just cracking jokes and being relaxed, for once. And when Jet and Buddy and Vespa make sudden appearances, asking the others to join them as well, it doesn’t feel like an intrusion, just an addition. Like maybe something a family would do.

A crime family. Of thieves. And assassins. And ex-detectives. And the greatest hacker in the galaxy.

All on a deserted island with a tent and a shovel.

**Author's Note:**

> hux-aireaire.tumblr.com
> 
> come say hi and let me know how fuckin wild of a concept this was, because trust me, i *know*, but i like to hear other people's thoughts on my wildness


End file.
